2.7.13

I weigh 165 pounds. I feel like I weigh 250 pounds.

I'm working in a job I enjoy, and simultaneously hate. I don't feel rewarded or challenged by being here, it just "pays my rent."

I'm applying for jobs I'm under qualified for to make me feel more accomplished. Even if I'm lucky enough to land one of these positions, I don't know if it'll be enough to make me feel "fulfilled."

I still can't believe I weight 165 pounds. I've been doing a good job at avoiding the scales I guess.

Today I emailed Sage about a position I guarantee I'm not qualified for. I also emailed a shelter about the kitten I'm hoping to adopt. Today I'm working 9 and a half hours at this job I don't know how I feel about. Today I'm going to try to start getting my life back in control. Today? I'm being overly dramatic.

This year was supposed to be full of changes. It's only February, and as unaccomplished as I feel, I need to remember my New Years resolutions: 1. Get ahold of my drinking. 2. Budget better. 3. Eat clean and exercise.
1. I've had two beers in the entirety of 2013. I don't miss alcohol in my life. The last few times I was at a bar, I was perfectly content drinking club soda and lime.
2. I have my outrageous American Express bill paid off in full. I have no current debt (thank you, times a million, mama. Not a day goes by I don't remember how lucky I am for not having student loans to pay back). I have 4,000 in my savings account, and I've been getting better at stopping superfluous expense.
3. I'm not happy with where I am physically. I can change that.
2 out of 3 isn't bad.

I will someday get a job I love. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll finally land a teaching job, or a job in the field of psychology, or wherever. Maybe I'll hate it and feel as unfulfilled as I do now. I'm good at what I do now. I'm really damn good. There's nothing wrong with trying something new. If I fail, I'll be okay. In the opposite end of my dramatic poorly blogged emotions, I know that no matter how this all ends up, I'm going to be okay.

End for today.