2.7.13

I weigh 165 pounds. I feel like I weigh 250 pounds.

I'm working in a job I enjoy, and simultaneously hate. I don't feel rewarded or challenged by being here, it just "pays my rent."

I'm applying for jobs I'm under qualified for to make me feel more accomplished. Even if I'm lucky enough to land one of these positions, I don't know if it'll be enough to make me feel "fulfilled."

I still can't believe I weight 165 pounds. I've been doing a good job at avoiding the scales I guess.

Today I emailed Sage about a position I guarantee I'm not qualified for. I also emailed a shelter about the kitten I'm hoping to adopt. Today I'm working 9 and a half hours at this job I don't know how I feel about. Today I'm going to try to start getting my life back in control. Today? I'm being overly dramatic.

This year was supposed to be full of changes. It's only February, and as unaccomplished as I feel, I need to remember my New Years resolutions: 1. Get ahold of my drinking. 2. Budget better. 3. Eat clean and exercise.
1. I've had two beers in the entirety of 2013. I don't miss alcohol in my life. The last few times I was at a bar, I was perfectly content drinking club soda and lime.
2. I have my outrageous American Express bill paid off in full. I have no current debt (thank you, times a million, mama. Not a day goes by I don't remember how lucky I am for not having student loans to pay back). I have 4,000 in my savings account, and I've been getting better at stopping superfluous expense.
3. I'm not happy with where I am physically. I can change that.
2 out of 3 isn't bad.

I will someday get a job I love. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll finally land a teaching job, or a job in the field of psychology, or wherever. Maybe I'll hate it and feel as unfulfilled as I do now. I'm good at what I do now. I'm really damn good. There's nothing wrong with trying something new. If I fail, I'll be okay. In the opposite end of my dramatic poorly blogged emotions, I know that no matter how this all ends up, I'm going to be okay.

End for today.

1-11

Weekly recap: 2017 average calories, Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. 1-1 thru 1-7

1-8 1905 calories plus 100 in cheerios I forgot...2005 , Ran 4.5, walked one. (2005 total)
1-9 1820 ran 4 miles ran 3.3, then walked/ran a mile, but mostly ran (1820 total)
1-10 2125 calories, ran 2 miles. Walked 1.
1-11  1920 calories Ran 2 Walked 1 legs felt weak. Did do 3 sets of 12 reps , 4 different arm weights.
                               Will walk again tonight with Dave. Probably 3 miles. yep

Cereal and milk 250
Pasta                  300
life water            120
peanut butter      100
chicken breast     300
salad                   100
taters                   300
berries                   50
wine                   400

1-10

Weekly recap: 2017 average calories, Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. 1-1 thru 1-7

1-8 1905 calories plus 100 in cheerios I forgot...2005 , Ran 4.5, walked one. (2005 total)
1-9 1820 ran 4 miles ran 3.3, then walked/ran a mile, but mostly ran (1820 total)
1-10 2125 calories, ran 2 miles. Walked 1.

80
cereal & milk 250 (I have to eat this, for fiber and calcium. cereal has 60% of fiber required.)

Ran 2 then died. legs felt like rubber. think I need a day off. walked one home, ran .3 of last mile but so rubbery. Will rest now.

Thin sandwich, ham and 1/2 cheese 175
2 rums                                               200
peanut butter                                     100
cant remember what else but I know I had 1100 before dinner yuck
spinach salad                                     100
pasta                                                  500
garlic bread                                       225
wine                                                  200

2125 total...not getting any better. the excess is alcohol.

 

1-9

Weekly recap: 2017 average calories, Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. 1-1 thru 1-7

1-8 1905 calories plus 100 in cheerios I forgot...2005 , Ran 4.5, walked one. (2005 total)
1-9      1820 ran 4 miles ran 3.3, then walked/ran a mile, but mostly ran         (1820 total)

1-9     banana 80
          cereal 250
          thin sandwich 175 fat free ham, 1/2 cheese, ,
          thin sandwich 225 1 wheat bread, 1/2 cheese, 1 tsp peanut butter
          spinach salad with carrots, dressing, croutons 150
          pork, rice, beans 500
          Rum                   200
          yogurt                   90
          1 garlic toast      150
         

1/8

Weekly recap: 2017 average calories, Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. Net loss - 0. Scale not sensitive enough one way or another. Should have lost 2/3 of a pound. Let's see in the upcoming weeks if my logic works!

1/8 Banana*, 80
      cereal and milk, 250
Ran 45 minutes, 4.5, walked one. Note that these were not consecutive miles. Ran 1.9 then walked a half, ran 1.5, walked etc.

Spinach* salad with a few walnuts, shrimp (2), parmesan cheese, italian red pepper dressing. 250
Two hard boiled eggs, one thin bread. 300
carrots*                                                   35
yogurt                                                     90

pork chop                                             300
rice                                                       200
black beans*                                        100
peanut butter (spoon)                           100
rum                                                       200

total 1905

Weekly recap: 2017 average calories, Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. 1-1 thru 1-7
1-8 1905 calories, Ran 4.5, walked one.

1.8.13

1:15 PM - Chipotle chicken sandwich with one slice provolone on wheat bread -?
One serving rice chips - 120

6:30 PM - Apple, Special K granola bar

10:00 PM - 4oz rice beans and Pico

Still need to focus on getting more vegetables...

1/7

January 1 Recap, 2150 calories ran 2 miles, 4 servings of good stuff
January 2 Recap 1910 calories ran 4 miles 2 servings of truly good stuff...
January 3 Recap 1710 calories,ran 3.9 miles, 6 to 7 servings GREAT day. Except wine.
January 4 Recap 2130 calories No exercise.
January 5 Recap 2150 Walked 4 miles
January 6 Recap 2600 Ran 4, walked 6 Gross cheeseburger and chips for dinner )
January 7 Recap 1470 Ran 3.7  Five good servings


Weekly recap: 2017 average calories,  Ran 17.6 miles, walked 10. Net loss - 0. Am I gaining muscle???HA HA.


Two pieces of toast, 160, butter total 200
Ran 3.7 on beach...very hard
Cereal and milk                                  250
Yogurt                                                  90
Grilled veggies shrooms onion red pepper and squash 3 servings***one serving carrots* 250 (olive oil)
6 shrimp                                            200?           
Banana*                                                80
Yogurt                                                90
one bread and one ham                     110 (off of package)
2 shots of rum                                    200